it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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