at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
