Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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