Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I believe in your delicious
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
