dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
