I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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