isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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