Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
