Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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