I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
