I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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