swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
