A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
