At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
3pm strippers are depressing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
