it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
