If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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