dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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