Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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