You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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