I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
