Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
