I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
