I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
