hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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