apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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