i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
