She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
