We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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