A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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