i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
