If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vodka?
Forever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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