I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drunk is not a location!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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