You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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