Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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