girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
