Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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