I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
