You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
