Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
