Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
