hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
