That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
