I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
