i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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