guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
