i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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