He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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