How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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