Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
