3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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