Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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