Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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